Dear Me

I recently heard a commercial on the radio about quitting smoking. I thought the way they did it was so effective. The man starts out by saying, "Dear me..." then goes on to tell himself why he should stop smoking. I got thinking about if I could write a letter to myself, what time in my life would I do it, and what would I say? I then decided that the 3 painfully awkward years of Junior High would have been less painful if I would have received this letter...

Dear me,

Lighten up. Learn to laugh at yourself. You're a goof. Embrace it. The world is filled with people who don't know how to laugh at themselves. Life is too short to take yourself too seriously.

Stop worrying about what everyone thinks about you. So much of your time is spent worrying. What you don't realize right now is that everyone else is worrying about the same things.

Don't be so sensitive. Man up. Jerks in junior high don't change in high school. You just learn to laugh at them.

Please, for the love of all that's good and holy, stop being so concerned with how you look. It's junior high. This is an awkward stage for everyone. Gelling your spiky hair and wearing golfer vests over t-shirts isn't helping your cause.

Please stop writing her love letters. She's like your sister. Trust me.

Your braces DO come off, and you'll have a great smile. When you get them off, PLEASE wear your retainers religiously.

I know it seems like I'm speaking a different language, but listen to Mom. She actually knows what she's talking about. Promise.

Be nicer to your little sister Claire. She ends up being your best friend. Not everyone likes your sarcasm. You're lucky she still talks to you.

Speaking of sisters; you can't see it right now, but it's a blessing you have four. Cherish every second you have with them.

Enjoy life. Be happy with who you are. Hang in there buddy. There IS life after junior high. Plus, you grow up to be ME.

THERE'S something to smile about.

Sincerely,

Me.

The cliché world of bumper stickers

As a fellow driver, you've experienced this phenomenon. Along your
path travelled, you've seen them left and right. They're everywhere.
Like billboards. We almost don't even notice them anymore, do we?
Unless they're advertising for liposuction. Have you SEEN those? I
digress. These are a little less blaringly obvious than billboards.
Yes, the bumper sticker. These little gems are a human's way of saying
something witty he'd never come up with on his own. I find it so
interesting that people can't JUST get from point A to point B. No,
instead they feel the need to force a little attitude down the throats
of trailing motorists. It's like, "Hey! Here's a little dose of my
opinion without your consent." Thanks, but I didn't ask for that at
all. The real tragedy though, is that they're all so pointless and
repetitive.
Below are some of the most cliché bumper stickers I've seen....

"BABY ON BOARD."
Okay, what am I to gather from this piece of information? "Uh oh,
THEY'VE got a baby in there. Better give THEM a wide berth."
Such good, proud parents. You're not the only couple
in the world with offspring.

"MY GRANDKIDS ARE CUTER THAN YOURS."
Really. Okay, first of all, we could all do without the attitude.
Secondly, we're happy for you. The fact that you're a proud
grandparent is cute. But what's painfully apparent, is that your
grandkids really aren't cuter than anyones. Why would you have to keep
reminding everyone? I think that the thought of your partial
responsibility for their less-than-desirable genes still stings a bit;
and it's nice to have a little daily positive reenforcement.

Bless your heart.

"KEEP HONKING. I'M RELOADING."
You're lying. You're the type of person that has always had others
fight your battles for you. Why would I say that? Because you're still
doing it today. Through your bumper sticker. Empty threats are the
crutch for insecure people. At first glance, you may seem tough, but
all I see is "PLEASE STOP HONKING OR I'LL CALL MY MOM."
Why are we honking at you in the first place? You're clearly an awful
driver. And why are you reloading? You couldn't hit a huge target with
the first clip? Yeah, chances are I'm pretty safe doing just about
anything I please around you. PS your mom called.

"MY OTHER RIDE IS A......"
insert- "AIRPLANE, GOLF CART, BIKE," etc.
Here's the point... WHO CARES!?!?
The only ride you own that I care about is in FRONT of me. Doing 55 in
the carpool lane. Go play in the right lane. Someone else might care
what you're interested in.

I don't even know where to begin with Jeeps. They've literally
cornered the market of cliché bumper stickers.

"I LIKE TO PLAY DIRTY"

"IF YOU CAN READ THIS, PLEASE ROLL ME OVER"

"IT'S A JEEP THING. YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND."

"I USE WHAT YOUR HYBRID SAVES."

You're right. I DON'T understand... How someone can be getting NINE
miles to the gallon and still brag about it. It must be a Jeep thing.

I have to say, however, that the most popular and pointless stickers
out there today are the stick figure families that adorn the bottom
corners of back windows. You know the ones I'm talking about. It seems
every mini van in Utah comes stock with them. I'm driving behind you
and now I know you have 5 adorable kids. 3 daughters and 2 sons. Awww
cute, and a dog. Is this REALLY the type of information you want to be
giving out to the ENTIRE world? Why give people sensitive
information they don't need to know? All for what? Some tacky
representation of your family? I don't understand that.

We're a peculiar breed, aren't we?

Drive safe.

The Adventure of the Mohawk.

The thrill of spontaneity.

The welcomed breath of fresh air called change.

The countless reactions.

The guilty pleasure of being someone I'm not for a day.

The fact that I could actually pull one off.

Sleep Deprivation.

...I don't know what reasons combined to actually make me do it, but it

made for one really fun day. It was friday night, and I arrived home at

1:50 a.m after a fun date. I walked inside and began my nightly routine.

Remove shoes for stealthy entrance. Fumble in the dark towards my

room. Lamp on. Favorite warm PJ's on. Brush teeth. Stare at myself in

the mirror. Come on, who doesn't. Then it hit me. I need a massive

Mohawk in my hair right now. GENIUS! Yes I do compliment myself.

So when I should have been asleep, dreaming of missionary haircuts

and mothers who want to be seen in public with me, I was hastily

setting up shop to transform from awesome to awesomer. Yes it's

possible. I was all shaved, shampoo'd, and in bed by 2:30.

I laughed myself to sleep.

Saturday morning, I got up and joined the family downstairs. Yes I

live at home. Thank you. After saying a rather nonchalant

"Good morning" and scraping my parent's brains off the wall, I

ate breakfast. After that, the day just blurred by.

Getting an expected earful from my mother.

Hiding (per request of Paula) from her visiting teachers.

Greeting Claire's date for Sweetheart's at the door.

Going to Kohler's for some chips.

Jazz game with Erin and Rob.

The next morning I woke up early and shaved it off. After all, I had to

teach in Elder's Quorum and I never would have heard the end of it.

It was a short-lived look. It was fun. I have

a feeling I'll see it again....

Spend it wisely

...For those of us who DIDN'T come home off the mission and steal away the girl of their dreams the FIRST day they were home, then get married two months later ....there's the wonderful world of dating. Side note- I hope you enjoyed that incredibly long run-on sentence. I might do it again. I might not. My choice.

Dating, for lack of a better, more cleverly thought-out analogy, is like shopping.

We all go to the mall for different reasons. Our friends drag us there. The food. The shopping. Regardless of the reason, we've ALL been there at one point in our lives. Walking past certain stores, we all have different reactions.

"There is seriously NOTHING good in that store."

"I've already been there. Keep walking."

"Yes PLEASE..."

"I wouldn't be caught DEAD in that store"

"Out of my league"

There are those of us that go to a store for a VERY specific thing. Specific size, color and style. We usually are more disappointed when we don't find exactly what meets our tall list of expectations.

Then there are the people that actually buy a shirt. It fits. Looks great, is comfortable to wear, and compliments their life. They're the same people that save the receipt, because after they wear it for a while, they RETURN IT. TACKY. The shirt didn't do anything wrong, they just liked how it made them feel.

Then there's the people that are flat broke, but go to the mall anyway. They scout things out in hopes of finding something they can afford later.

There are those that go into a store with no intent of buying anything at all. After looking around for while, they luck out. They spot it. Pick it up, try it out in the mirror. They HAVE to have it. One minute they don't even know it exists, and the next, they're wondering how they ever lived life WITHOUT it. These are known as the impulse buyers.

Impulse daters.

And strangely enough, this is who I want to be. I find it interesting that the people with the long list of "Must Haves" rarely, if EVER, find what they're looking for. They set themselves up for disappointment. I'd rather have the thrill of the "Find." You're in the right place at the right time, and it JUST WORKS. Then you find that this person IS your "must have." They're exactly what you needed.

Until that happens, I'll keep shopping.

"Is there anything I can help you find, sir?"

"Nah, I'm just looking. Thanks."

Tricky, Apple. Very tricky....

Hello world. Meet the new iPad. Newest member of the Apple gang. For months and months the internet has been buzzing with rumors about the "tablet-like computer that's supposed to change everything." What did it change? Nothing. All it is, is an awkwardly oversized iPod Touch. It can't even make calls. Or take pictures. Or make meals. Or think for me. Lame.

Now I think it's no secret that i'm a HUGE fan of ANYTHING sporting an Apple logo. I have a MacBook Pro, iPod classic, iPod shuffle, iPod nano, iPod Touch, and an iPhone 3G. I'm hooked. And even I can't see the need for this. Wow.

But then yesterday, I got thinking about it logically. I have 12 credits of online classes at UVU. My laptop only gets about 2 hours every charge. The iPad gets 10 hours. Then I watched the video on the Apple website about the iPad. I think they use subliminal crack in their commercials. Because I have to confess, I found myself DROOLING over the iPad. I TOTALLY WANT ONE!!