The cliché world of bumper stickers

As a fellow driver, you've experienced this phenomenon. Along your
path travelled, you've seen them left and right. They're everywhere.
Like billboards. We almost don't even notice them anymore, do we?
Unless they're advertising for liposuction. Have you SEEN those? I
digress. These are a little less blaringly obvious than billboards.
Yes, the bumper sticker. These little gems are a human's way of saying
something witty he'd never come up with on his own. I find it so
interesting that people can't JUST get from point A to point B. No,
instead they feel the need to force a little attitude down the throats
of trailing motorists. It's like, "Hey! Here's a little dose of my
opinion without your consent." Thanks, but I didn't ask for that at
all. The real tragedy though, is that they're all so pointless and
repetitive.
Below are some of the most cliché bumper stickers I've seen....

"BABY ON BOARD."
Okay, what am I to gather from this piece of information? "Uh oh,
THEY'VE got a baby in there. Better give THEM a wide berth."
Such good, proud parents. You're not the only couple
in the world with offspring.

"MY GRANDKIDS ARE CUTER THAN YOURS."
Really. Okay, first of all, we could all do without the attitude.
Secondly, we're happy for you. The fact that you're a proud
grandparent is cute. But what's painfully apparent, is that your
grandkids really aren't cuter than anyones. Why would you have to keep
reminding everyone? I think that the thought of your partial
responsibility for their less-than-desirable genes still stings a bit;
and it's nice to have a little daily positive reenforcement.

Bless your heart.

"KEEP HONKING. I'M RELOADING."
You're lying. You're the type of person that has always had others
fight your battles for you. Why would I say that? Because you're still
doing it today. Through your bumper sticker. Empty threats are the
crutch for insecure people. At first glance, you may seem tough, but
all I see is "PLEASE STOP HONKING OR I'LL CALL MY MOM."
Why are we honking at you in the first place? You're clearly an awful
driver. And why are you reloading? You couldn't hit a huge target with
the first clip? Yeah, chances are I'm pretty safe doing just about
anything I please around you. PS your mom called.

"MY OTHER RIDE IS A......"
insert- "AIRPLANE, GOLF CART, BIKE," etc.
Here's the point... WHO CARES!?!?
The only ride you own that I care about is in FRONT of me. Doing 55 in
the carpool lane. Go play in the right lane. Someone else might care
what you're interested in.

I don't even know where to begin with Jeeps. They've literally
cornered the market of cliché bumper stickers.

"I LIKE TO PLAY DIRTY"

"IF YOU CAN READ THIS, PLEASE ROLL ME OVER"

"IT'S A JEEP THING. YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND."

"I USE WHAT YOUR HYBRID SAVES."

You're right. I DON'T understand... How someone can be getting NINE
miles to the gallon and still brag about it. It must be a Jeep thing.

I have to say, however, that the most popular and pointless stickers
out there today are the stick figure families that adorn the bottom
corners of back windows. You know the ones I'm talking about. It seems
every mini van in Utah comes stock with them. I'm driving behind you
and now I know you have 5 adorable kids. 3 daughters and 2 sons. Awww
cute, and a dog. Is this REALLY the type of information you want to be
giving out to the ENTIRE world? Why give people sensitive
information they don't need to know? All for what? Some tacky
representation of your family? I don't understand that.

We're a peculiar breed, aren't we?

Drive safe.